bye bye trace

off to switzerland for good, with her turkish swiss boyfriend, isn’t that great?? i’ll miss her stories, jokes, chatter, great shopping + eating company… visit soon!! *hugz*

my forest

what’s so odd about odd forest. i don’t get it, why they don’t get it. i’ve always felt i belong somewhere else. arrgghh. many of my friends have said so for a long time. don’t be too strange lynda, people here won’t be so accepting of it. yah yah yah… lalallalalla… it’s so annoying and frustrating.

so my little odd forest has given way to forestprints, and my tees are being sewn this very minute, so happy happy happy me! it took me so fucking long to find someone good to print my tees in limited quantities and still keeping it within my shoe-string budget. and then it took me so fucking long again to find someone good to sew my tees in limited quantities and still keeping it within my shoe-string budget. ppfffttttt….

superwoman

i may have been named after lynda carter, the actress of superwoman, but the real superwoman has got to be my mum. yadayadayada.. i know all mothers are superheroes… but i gotta insist that my mum is DA real thing

a petite woman with a strong head and firm mind. got married at age 23. pregnant with me soon after, unplanned as i learn later on, with the setting up of her first shop single-handedly, and managing it everyday of the week for 12 hours. and opening a second and third later on. while most of us are still whining about graduation or the start of working life at 23, she was already decently rich and succesful. that’s just part one. anyone who has taken dinner at my home while my mum is back will know that she’s a great cook, a good cleaner, a meticulous house keeper. i don’t know many succesful career woman who are actually succesful good cooks and cleaners.

i can tell she’s not very satisfied with the way i’m handling my life and career, if it’s existent at all… how i’m going to fully support myself, and my parents, how i’m going to repay her the S$350 000 spent for my US college education.. arrrgghhh. i’m not a superwoman even though i’m and have been striving very hard to be one. her health has taken a beating lately, it’s no wonder with all that workoholic stress she has been handling all these years, not forgetting the rich unhealthy diet.

we’re jogging tomorrow morning at the park, so that’s a good start

the big deal

birthdays are a big deal to many, including me. i had a nice little celebration, and then i want to forget all about it. i’m 25 for gawds sake, not 15. somehow this selective amnesia thing has worked for the last 2 years. great. birthdays should be forgettable from now on, at least until i’m 50, am comfortably rich, have been there done that, am kicking back by the pool in some posh mediterranean resort…

my head hurts

I’m having problems with my dad, it’s been so god knows since when… oh, i know, it’s been so since the day I graduated from college and came back home to stay… i don’t know how or why, but he has this very fixed notion that my graduation day would be his retirement day, as in, FULL retirement. Well, he was definitely and still is, and more and more so as days go by, very disappointed about me not being able to make his dream come true…

Graduating from college simply means that I’m going to be fucking broke for quite some time, with all those 4 years of overseas expenditure. Graduating from a american arts college with a major in visual communications, with a dream of becoming a succesful designer, in this art-forsaken country known as singapore…. is not going to make me financially well-off overnight…

He always thought very highly of other people’s children, how capable they are, how smart they are, how filial they are, how good they are… he always envied those people, how lucky they are to have such good children… and he always made sure I hear every single of those stories he tells, and the way he tells it, you don’t even need to feel it, you can just see it on his face…

He never had any comments about anything I do or have done, especially much so now… with me trying to get things going on my own… i think the sight of me being constantly busy in my room with my computer annoys him more than anything else in this world… he doesn’t get it, or refuses to get it… more the latter I think… What’s the big deal, will be the kind of response you’ll get from his behaviour and body language… the funny thing is, i’m suppose to have taken his artistic genes or whatever… but so much negativity… it makes you doubt alot about everything in your life…

The water is boiling.. he’s at the sink, less than 5 feet away from the stove… he shouts out to me that MY water is boiling.. I’m busy at work in my room… so I guess we should start labeling whose water is whose… I walk to the kitchen… he’s still by the sink… the kettle is still whistling away… and I turn it off…

The phone is ringing… my mum’s busy cooking in the kitchen… I’m in the bathroom … he’s reading newspapers in the dining room, the phone in the living room is still ringing, he gives a very irritated grunt and slams down his papers on the table… still doesn’t get up to pick up the phone… my mum is shouting for someone to pick up the damn phone… the phone stops ringing… why doesn’t he pick up the phone, you’d ask… because its NOT HIS PHONE CALL, is the reply you’d get…

something has gone wrong somewhere here… don’t know when and don’t know why, and worst of all, don’t know how to fix it…. and maybe if i knew, i probably am not in the position to fix anything…

whenever i tried to reason out with him, hell will break loose, with my sarcasm and temper… nowadays, I just count to 100 and take deep breaths… just short answers of yes or no or really or oh… still not working… seems to be making it worse somehow… we’ll see.. tomorrow’s my birthday, so i may be in a better mood to deal with everything damn thing…

it was time

>it was time to say goodbye, and it was time for a new beginning. that has been a recurring phenomenon for these past two years of my life. first, it was goodbye to freedom and life in chicago, for life back home and start of working-life torture, stressful and mundane.. and then, it was goodbye to working-life torture and stable paycheck, for working-for-myself and being broke most of the time… penniless satisfaction… haha well, i’ll just see how this will work out. it has been about 5 months now.. I’m still trying to remain very positive. i believe if i’m passionate about what i’m doing, i’ll get it done right.. eventually i hope! I’ve learnt to put on my armour, so that i won’t get beat down by the negativity that’s thriving around me